I have never been to prison, but I’ve stayed at The Woods Natural Park Resort, and I imagine the transition to a high-security penitentiary would be a lateral move at best.
The staff greeted us with all the compassion and warmth of Josef Fritzl welcoming a new guest to his basement. Their customer service philosophy seems to be ‘less is more’.
The room was a masterclass in architectural neglect. The air conditioning unit didn’t just cool the room; it functioned as a water feature, specifically designed to leak directly into your bed at 3:00 AM. If the water doesn't wake you up, the black mould—which is clearly the dominant life form on the property—will certainly start a conversation with you.
Safety is also a "choose your own adventure" experience, as the barriers on the high ledges are entirely missing, presumably to keep the guests on their toes (or off them, permanently).
On the plus side, they are very focused on hydration: they provide a generous 300ml of drinking water per person, per day. It’s the perfect amount if your goal is to die of thirst while being actively drowned by your own ceiling